Saturday, April 9, 2011

Stripped

So there I stood, fresh from the shower, wearing nothing but my iphone (don't try to picture it, it's not pretty), yet covered in so much.

A little history:
Approximately 18 days prior, I started a new job.
We've all been the new kid at work, right? It's not easy.
There is an initiation process, you've got to prove yourself a bit.
It's hard to go day after day and be strong.
To remember that this job and these people don't define you, that you are more than the bottom of this learning curve. It's wearing on your self esteem.

Especially when you're in a bit of a learning curve at home too - as a new-ish parent, in a new-ish neighborhood, in a new-ish town.
Everything, everywhere feels somewhat new and, it's sometimes hard to not step into this funk where you just stop and feel a big ole sory for yourself.

Honestly, I've started to do that.

As many of you know, especially if you're reading this link via facebook - we're getting married. Yay. Wedding plans are moving right along. The dress has been purchased for months, the church is set, the reception location secured.
As luck would have it, we hook lined and sinkered our wedding dj's this week. You can listen to a sample of them here: and I highly suggest you do. We both hit the play button and simply leave it on for hours. Their mixes are terrific. We've practiced dancing to it (though our first dance hasn't been selected so don't get any bright ideas). The right dj is really important to both Brian and me as we are both highly affected by music, and feel that this will really set the tone for our reception. Music is a big part of our life together, and so we're really excited to have a dj that will help us express that at our wedding.

Additionally this week, I've been back in touch (thanks facebook) with a long lost friend from Florida. It's been nice to be back in touch. As well as with a friend from Jr. High/High School who is still in Ohio. PLH. We hadn't been in touch for the longest time. In fact, I think hardly at all since she graduated from High School and went off to college (a year ahead of me). Then, randomly while visiting home for some holiday, I'm not even sure if it was Thanksgiving or Christmas, my mom and I were in line in front of her at the grocery store. Here we were, maybe twenty two years later, catching up on life.

Anyway, flash forward to yesterday. There I stood. Naked in my bedroom, iphone in hand. I only mention naked because it wasn't just physically, it was so many other ways - stripped really. Emotionally as well. So many of the things that I've been recently defined by, recently as in the past decade, are being redefined for me, which is great, but also new. I'm there, dreading going to work and facing this new and yet other challenge but knowing that I can do it and that all of these current "challenges" are just temporary but it feels like there are currently so many if that makes any sense at all while simultaneously hating myself for being such a wimp - because none of these challenges are really that big but collectively they feel huge on top of feeling so extremely tired, and I'm listening to this beautiful cover of a Coldplay song when I read the below message from PLH via facebook on my iphone:

Christie (I'm sorry, I just can't help it),

Wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you as you continue with wedding plans. Hope all is well. You found your dress, right?

That oreo cake looked amazing, too. You're quite the culinary individual. Hope you don't mind that I sporatically keep (old friend) and (old friend) updated...they are interested in how you're doing. We get together about every month or six weeks to stay connected.

(Old friend's) son, just got married. (Old friend's) daughter, is finishing up her freshman year @ (prestigious institution)...though technically next fall she'll be a junior.

My (child), is playing baseball for his high school team - freshman - he pitches. He'll go on to play club ball this summer.

I'm from the past, in your present, praying for your future, Christie. Just want you to know you matter to me. :)


Where I had previously stood, stripped, I now stood in a room full of music - suddenly full of something other than myself, surrounded by beauty and God's Grace. Reminded that emptiness didn't fill me, but extensions of God, in everything.